33 Boozy memories from 33 years
insert forgotten-drunken-memories joke here
Several authors and motivational gurus I follow online often put out on their birthday a list of life lessons they’ve learned for each year they’re celebrating. I’ve been doing my own reminiscing as I head into my 33rd year of existence. My list will share some hungover lessons learned but mostly some of my favorite memories that involve a cocktail or two.
Here we go, in no particular order. Cheers to 33!
1. Airport hangover on a family triP
My mom scheduled a family vacation to an all-inclusive resort on the beautiful beaches of Mexico. Our flight departed before sunrise on New Year’s Day. I was in college. C’mon Mom, ya had to see this coming. I got the vacation started early by going out for New Years Eve. As I left the house to a warning of “remember we have an early flight” to which my famous last words were “I won’t be out long.” Idiot! Got home after bar-close, just in time for a 45-minute nap. Big mistake.
Rode a pretty rough car ride to the airport just replaying Wayne’s World “if yer gonna spew, spew into this" over and over in my head. Opened the door curbside at the airport for a breath of much needed winter fresh air. Vommed twenty yards later in a nice O’hare bush. Composed myself and join my family in the baggage check line.
I don’t even make it one turn in the queue. But now we’re stuck in the middle of people because why wouldn’t the airport be ridiculously packed at 4am on New Years morning. Luckily there’s a garbage can. Unluckily, it’s one of those that you push in from the side. Imagine a very ill me turn my head to push it through so that I can re-turn my head to hurl into the receptacle. I’ve never felt more support from my peers than when my head was jammed into a disgusting airport trash can.
As people were scootching past me to keep the line moving, I got many pats on the back, ‘atta boys, and some been-theres. I also got daggers straight from my mother’s eyes.
Fast forward to a miserably hot and crammed airplane. Put my hat over my face, don’t remember take off or landing, and was greeted by beautiful Mexican weather and an ice cold Corona. What a cure!
Lesson: Don’t let your mom book your New Year’s Day flights…
2. CERTIFIED GUINNESS POURER
I took a solo trip to Ireland for my 30th birthday. Climbed up Croagh Patrick, hiked the entirety of the Cliffs of Moher, kissed the Blarney Stone (pre-COVID, back off bro!), and drank all the Jameson & Guinness. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
Drinking Guinness straight from the source really was like drinking nectar from the beer gods! It was a surreal moment to go through Guinness Academy to learn to pour a proper pint. Certified Guinness Pourer - Yours Truly!
3. BEER PONG HEATER & NURSING HOME BINGO
You know those nights where you just can’t miss? No matter how you throw, no matter how many cups you’re seeing, no matter how good your balance is… the ball just lands in the cup. Ohhh college…
Ran the table the entire night. And back in my day we actually drank beer when we played beer pong. None of this water-in-the-cup bullshit. But… I digress.
The high of those victories soon came crashing to a very very low reality the next day. As a class assignment group project, I needed to join my fellow classmates for a day of volunteering at a nursing home. I drew the lucky straw which allowed me to call BINGO numbers. I have no doubt I was probably mumbling some, but I gave it the ol’ college try, as they say. The instant feedback was less than a mood booster. “You’re gonna have to speak up, son.” “What did you just call?” “Can you repeat that?”
Listen here folks, you’re lucky I’m upright right now… but seriously, I couldn’t lose last night! You should be proud, gramma…
4. 21st Birthday Tidal Wave Shot
Midnight. Officially 21. Let’s go to the bar!
The classic shots… three wisemen… george thorogood… tequila… hahaha… everyone’s having a good time!
*bathroom break*
There’s a blue shot awaiting me at the bar. Looks like a nice change of pace. As I throw the shot back, little to my knowledge, but pint glasses the size of buckets were passed around filled with water… TIDAL WAVE!
Real funny, dicks!
5. MKE Brewery “TOURS”
MKE Brewery (RIP). The one that introduced me to craft beer. My first beer love. It pains me to admit they closed this week. But as the good Dr. Seuss said, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
And happened it did. MKE offered this sweet deal where you could buy a 2-hour brewery tour for $15 with basically unlimited drinks. Once you’ve been on the tour, there’s no need to go back. Buy the tour. Hang by the bar for those two hours. Cheapest quality beers I’ve still ever drank.
…heck, that loophole might be what forced ‘em to sell…
Either way, mission to find someone to brew O-Gii has now commenced!
6. MY WORST JAMESON EXPERIENCE
At a work conference in Minneapolis where Jonathan and my friendship sparked (this isn’t why it was the worst). Final night of the conference after a nice dinner, we’re throwing a few pints back in the hotel bar getting ready to call it quits…
…until we find out that the bar that serves the most Jameson in the entire world (it’s true!) is just around the corner. Night cap? I think so!
Well… we found out why The Local in Minneapolis serves the most Jameson… their Jameson shots come in full rocks glasses. That’s like a five-gulp shot. NOT what we needed at 2:00am.
I missed work breakfast. They voted me to drive home later that day. Not my favorite six hours. Not my favorite co-workers at the time.
7. DECIDING TO START A BEER PODCAST OVER SOME BEERS
good segue Cameron!
After that friendship was sparked in Minneapolis, fast-forward to a global pandemic. Stuck at home. In need of social interaction. Desperately looking for a creative outlet. I texted Jonathan an idea. A couple hours later he and I had a virtual happy hour where this whole Pour Another Round was born!
8. Lake Beer Bongs
What’s better than a beer rushing down your throat as you hold up a funnel and tube? (Thanks a lot for the gravity on this one, Isaac Newton!) That same beer-bong but treading water in the middle of a lake!
Why? Why not…
9. MY FIRST MALORT EXPERIENCE
I’m sure there are many people thankful this pairing happened!
Milwaukee bar that served $1 beers during happy hour also happened to have Malort readily available. Go figure…
I got Malorted before heading into a Milwaukee Admirals hockey game.
It just so happened that after the Malorting, we were seated three rows behind the opponent’s penalty box. Chirp chirp chirp. As the game went on, our group got rowdier and rowdier every time someone was doing time in the box. So much so that a stadium security guard would sit next to us like we were the ones being punished.
My punishment, and probably much deserved… the nice folks behind me didn’t think we were as funny as we did. They put chewed gum on my seat one time I stood up…
So now all my Malort shots I’ve generously shared with everyone over the years is pay-back for the prick who ruined my jeans.
10. IRISH WHISKEY IN JOHN JAMESON’S OFFICE
We’re back to the Ireland trip. The Jameson Distillery Tour in Dublin was lack-luster. Too much multi-media, not enough seeing cool old shit. But… I had upgraded my tour to include the “Secret Whiskey Tasting.” Duh, no-brainer!
Spoiler Alert… that secret whiskey tasting took place in the basement of the Bow Street Distillery in John Jameson’s old office! Worth the price of admission. I believe drinks are experiential and heavily depend on the company you’re with and the environment you’re in. I knew no one in that tasting room, but the environment would put this toward the top of any drinking experience I’ve ever had! Highly recommend!
11. Oldest Pub in Ireland (read: World)
One more Ireland story on the list: Sean’s Bar in Athlone, Ireland has been proven to be the oldest bar in Ireland by Guinness World Records (irony just hit me… Guinness Beer… Guinness Records… Ireland). Anyway, they’re currently working on proving it’s the oldest bar in the world. Noone has stepped up to disprove them yet. Sean’s was founded in 900 A.D.
Another one of those surreal environments for a pint and a whiskey.
12. Wine Country to Appreciate Wine
I never disliked wine. I just never cared for it. It was fine and I felt classy when I drank it was the extent of my relationship with wine.
Until I took a trip out to Napa Valley and toured some beautiful vineyards, met amazingly passionate winemakers, learned vineyard history, and experienced curated wine tastings.
I’m still no wine connoisseur, but I know what I like. More importantly, I’m able to throughly appreciate wine!
13. FROM GOLF COURSE TO BAR TO CUBICLE WORK
First job out of college and there’s a company golf outing. My friends wanted to put together a foursome. Heck yea - this job is awesome! (It wasn’t…)
I convince my boss to let me, a lowly hourly data-enterer to have the day off to hit the links “for work”. It’s 7am and we’re on our way to the course. We realize we don’t have any beer to load our golf bags with. (Remember, we just graduated college.) We make a pitstop at a grocery store and convince another hourly-wage-employee to open up the liquor store for us. He literally had to roll up the metal gate, most likely illegally.
Beers on the course all day. Go back to our neighborhood to tie-one-on at a frequent hang out. I get a call from Boss-Lady-Suz who was kind enough to let me golf all day, begging me to come into the office for a few hours because they’re slammed trying to get time-sensitive things out quickly. (We weren’t saving lives, so time-sensitive was always a bit of a joke to me). But being the diligent employee I am, after warning her of my current inebriation, went into the office in my sweaty golf attire smelling of spilt beer and cheap whiskey. Crushed some work orders and joined the crew back out for the night! What a time in my life!
14. DANCING ON THE HEAD TABLE AT MY WEDDING
A Teske-Family-Tradition is to dance on tables at weddings. I’ve proudly carried that on to my generation and among my friends-group. (Only one bride’s parents weren’t on board…)
My wedding was in a music venue. There was a permanent stage that the head table was up on. It was high. There was nothing sturdy about the head table. There were lit candles and flowers and glassware and drinks across the entire head table. Yet somehow the wedding party ended up on top of the head table with no casualties!
Absolutely the most fun night of my life!
15. Drinking for Three
First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.
In between stages two and three is nine-months of a guaranteed designated driver. And well, as a dutiful soon-to-be-father, it only be right that I fill in the void of beer and booze for the mother, and while I’m at it, this new life I’ve helped create can’t imbibe either.
Ipso Facto… drinking for three! I’m humble though, so no need to thank me for my service.
16. LOUIS XIII
Through a series of fortunate events, my dad was able to get his hands on a bottle of Louis XIII. I’m not a cognac drinker, but I will appreciate everything that comes out of a $2,500 bottle of booze.
The drink felt like liquid velvet in my mouth. Not sure if there’s a Remy Martin secret in here or a thousand dollar placebo effect. Either way, quite an experience!
17. A CASE OF THE TREE AND SOME INFAMOUS APPLE PIE
Ya know, like the apple pie made with Everclear not the one baked in your grandma’s family heirloom pie tin.
One fall night got a little out of control, to say the least. I’m just taking a quick nap on a nice piece of patio furniture.
What I heard from the host was “if you’re gonna puke…that tree.”
Well, the time came that this Apple Pie was coming back up. I followed strict instructions and went to that tree.
What the host allegedly said was “whatever you do, if you’re gonna puke, don’t do it on that tree.”
To my knowledge, that tree is no longer with us…
18. TOWNIE BAR WITH FRIENDS WHO HAVE MOVED AWAY
Ya know that dive bar in your hometown that everyone who has moved away will meet up at when visiting home? Mine was Chucks. These are my friends!
19. JOINING THE BITTERS CLUB
Washington Island, Door County, WI - Nelsen’s Hall. Longest continually operating tavern in Wisconsin! They found a loophole to get through Prohibition by convincing the government that Bitters was medicinal and most definitely not booze.
Big Brother won’t let you drink? I’m all for stickin’ it to The Man then! Sign me up for that club!
Well… you too can join that club. Tom Nelsen was a pharmacist who would drink a pint of bitters a day claiming medicinal benefits in the early 20th Century. Nelsen’s Hall goes through the most Angostura Bitters in the world… and that’s saying something considering this bar is only open seasonally, while the rest of Wisconsin bars put bitters in every Old Fashioned made. But Nelsen’s serves up shot after shot of bitters. You then become a card-carrying-member adorned with your thumbprint in which you use bitters-residue from the bottom of the shot glass.
20. CEMETERY WINE TOAST
Every November my son and I take a father-son trip to Northern Wisconsin to commemorate the date my wife, his Mama passed away after a long battle with breast cancer.
(She was the wino who took me to Napa.)
Last year, I figured five-years-old was the appropriate age for a small wine toast when visiting the cemetery! He definitely didn’t like the wine, but some day when it’s much more appropriate, we’ll visit wine country together so he can appreciate what I learned to.
He definitely appreciated the experience, and that’s what mattered here!
21. BIRTHDAY CAKE BEER WE MADE
Not sure anyone’s heard, but our faces were on a beer can!
Thanks to MobCraft Beer in Milwaukee for the crowd-sourced beers, our submission won last winter. We were able to have a brew day with friends to bring our submission to life.
Their designer crushed the label by turning Pour Another Round into a cartoon!
This beer was extremely special!
22. MY FIRST BEER
A question we’ve often gotten throughout this Pour Another Round journey is what our first beer was. I have a vivid memory of swimming in my grandparent’s back yard…maybe around the age of 5 (?). I had just gotten out of the pool and was goofing around with my uncle. He was drinking a beer. I was already in swim trunks and wet, and I remember him pouring beer over my head. And that was my very first taste of beer.
23. FAMILY DRINKS IN Las Vegas
Another family trip, but this one started and ended on a good note! My parents used to live in Las Vegas, so they had always told my brother and me they would take us out there when Evan turned 21. He’s three years younger than me.
That was a pretty memorable trip as we all toasted Evan turning 21 in Vegas!
24. Tomato Romp
Milwaukee’s East Side Tomato Romp was the greatest festival I’ve ever attended. Included in the price of admission was bar after bar on North Avenue offering a 5-oz Bloody Mary and a 3-oz beer chaser. The creativity and deliciousness of these bloodies was already a great experience.
But the day ended with a giant tomato fight!
25. FRESH WHISKEY
As Pour Another Round was touring a distillery before recording an episode, we were offered some whiskey straight from the still. I’m not a fan of white-dog whiskey, but sipping it this fresh was an unforgettable flavor and really cool experience.
26. Drinking Around the World
I participated in the Disney College Program during my junior year of college. My territory of work had me in EPCOT World Showcase almost every day for six months.
A major feat for guests was to ‘drink around the world.’ There are eleven countries: Canada, UK, France, Morocco, Japan, US, Italy, Germany, China, Norway, and Mexico. Drinking a native beverage at each country’s pavilion was a popular activity. People go all out with shirts and costumes… because… well… Disney!
I met some amazing people while I was in Florida and had the best group of Disney friends! But none of us were 21. So we agreed to have a Disney reunion when we could all partake in this Drink Around the World Challenge. I did it with them twice. One time went better than the other. Not sure Mickey Mouse would be too proud…
Lesson: You can’t get beer and sake in Japan, Jager and beer in Germany, Tequila and beer in Mexico.
Pro Tip: Absolutely get the Grand Marnier Slushie (with the floater) in France! If you like dreamsicles, this will be the greatest cocktail you’ve ever had!
27. Grand Marnier Christmas Tradition
Really crushing these segues here…
I love nostalgia and family traditions! The entire Christmas season, but especially Christmas Eve, our family drink to end Christmas Eve is a glass of Grand Marnier, neat. Warms you up from the inside and just tastes like Christmas cheer to me now!
28. Thanks A lot Bin Laden
The night Osama bin Laden was assassinated was a time we were proud to be American! To celebrate the success of the mission we were watching unfold and to appreciate the history we were living, my college roommates and I cracked open a bottle of American Honey Whiskey… ‘MERICA!
Patriotic toast after patriotic toast led to an empty bottle, a great memory, and a historically significant night!
29. THIS IS SPARTA
My brother was the best man at my wedding, which also earned him the responsibility of planning my bachelor party. We went camping at some dive-campsite that had no rules in the middle of no-where Wisconsin. By all means one of the best weekends I’ve ever had! He nailed the bachelor party!
To kick things off (future-pun-fully-intended) and to thank him for planning the weekend, we busted out the beer bong before we even set up camp. We all took our turn… and found out Evan had never done one before.
It was my brotherly duty to be the one to hold the funnel.
I fill the beer bong for Evan. He grabs the end, takes a knee to start chugging, took that beer bong like a champ. I’m not sure what led me to do what I did.
The movie 300 had come out several years before but the movie reference “This Is Sparta” still very much lived on.
As Evan is about to take his last gulp, I put my foot on his chest and “This Is Sparta’d” the shit outta him!
What a weekend!
30. My Only Underage
RA’s and Campus Security... I had a clear cup that very clearly had beer in it. Where tf those red solo cups this time around were I have no idea. Not only was the beer-filled-cup clear, but my name was clearly written on the cup for all to see.
No point in trying to get out of this one. Paid my dues and moved on.
Lesson: don’t write your name on beer cups and don’t drink from clear cups.
31. Drinks With The Guy WHERE IT ALL BEGAN
I’ve already mentioned my love of Milwaukee Brewing Company and how this place was responsible for my love of craft beer. Pour Another Round has allowed us to talk with some pretty legendary folks in the world of beer.
But having a beer with Jim McCabe of Milwaukee Brewing Company was an iconic podcast episode and moment for me!
32. Drinks After Skydiving
While I was living in Florida, our Disney IDs got us discounts at a lot of places around the Orlando area. One of those was 50% off skydiving at Kennedy Space Center. Only pay half of what it costs to jump out of an airplane? Alright!
We get to the office and they hand us a giant waiver packet to sign. I’m pretty sure the very first words on there read something along the lines of “you may want your lawyer present before signing.” Eh what the hell… we’re 19 years old, let’s just skip to the last page and give ‘em our Herbie Hancock!
We get geared up and strapped to our professional before boarding the plane. We’re all straddling a bench that runs down the center of the plane as we take off and fly up to jump altitude. My body is uncontrollably shaking to the point that the guy I’m jumping with is making fun of me. Yes I was scared, but the adrenaline and energy going through my body was completely out of my control.
As soon as the airplane doors opened I was completely ready for the jump.
That’s not to say that the celebratory parking lot shots after my feet hit the ground knowing I survived weren’t extremely rewarding!
33. Green Bay Beer: A History of the Craft
I had always wanted to write a book. The fact that someone let me write a book about beer was an added bonus!
The beer I drank during the writing process helped a great deal. But the celebratory beer with the final book in-hand tasted like a culmination of two years of research and writing!
Get yourself a copy of Green Bay Beer: A History of the Craft and a good beer!
